Frying the Fish

Hm. This would have been a good post title, if not for the news, just breaking, that one of our magnificent starters, Orlando "I did it all for the Duque" Hernandez, will be scratched from his start tonight, placed on the DL, and replaced in the starting rotation by Chan Ho Pork.

While our newest starter's name may actually be Chan Ho (can we say that in the blogosphere anymore?) Park, I'm going to call him Pork, for the most part because a ham could probably throw a better game than he does. Although if you watch towards the end of this YouTube video, you'll see Chan Ho's mad Kung Fu skills. The picture is also on this post.

I don't like Chan Ho Park. My dislike of him is rooted in so many things, but mostly the fact that he was a royal bum after signing a Darren Dreifort-esque 5-year, $65 million pact with the Texas Rangers. Park, in his three and a half years with the Team at the Ballpark at Arlington, won 22 games.

Last year he pitched for San Diego, where he racked up an impressive 7-7 record with a 4.81 ERA. His 8.0 VORP wasn't even a third of Pedro Feliciano's tally. And Pork was making upwards of 15-million dollars, cruising in Southern California, on an aircraft carrier he bought wth spare change between his couch cushions.

The highly-sought after Park entered into free agency, and reached a deal with the Mets, ensuring that he would bring his mediocrity to Shea Stadium when we least desired it. Maybe I was wrong on that front.

Chan H* will take the mound tonight, against the Florida Fish, primed for an embarrassing showing. He's 4-2 against Florida, with a 4.39 ERA, for his career, and the Mets don't need another Jose Lima.

The worst part about Park is that he doesn't even qualify on the Lima level. Lima was crazy, it was always Lima Time (even when Dontrelle Willis smashed that grand slam past the International Date Line) and we looked forward to his showings. Jeremi Geremi Gonzalez is more an accurate comparison for Park, minus of course that then-record contract.

Let's pray that El Duque's shipment of medical cream is on it's way, and that he keeps taking his Centrum Silver and Metamucil. That bursitis isn't going to cure itself. Onward and upward, folks. How long until Omar has to ask John Maine to fill two spots in the starting rotation? Hell, I'd take lefty Pedro. As long as he's one arm to his name, he'll be better than Chan Ho and his incredibly dexterous legs.

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P.S. Michal Rozsival is the man.

And the Mets will lose two of three to the Fish. What is going wrong? Thankfully this series will be followed by a trip to Arizona. The Mets are 8-0 there the last two years.

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